Shino's Birthday
by Merro
Summary: It all begin when Shino turned 15... and Sakura was cooked in his birthday cake. Mostly DeixHidan but with SuixSasu and a bit of ShinoxShika PURE CRACK
1. Shino's Birthday

1. Shino's Birthday

By Merro and Renja

"Happy birthday Shino." Said Shikamaru in a bored tone of voice.

"Yay, another rabbit!" Shino exclaimed in as much joy as he could muster. It had been the fifth one he had eaten that day.

"I brought you a *hic* lottery ticket, you like bugs riiight?" Deidara smiled, dumping his gift in Shino's lap.

"Um, this is a sleaslug." Shino replied

"Whoops! I must *hic* have put on my wrong coat today!" The blonde laughed, falling headfirst into the punch bowl.

"And I baked you a cake!" Hidan squealed, bringing the room to silence.

"Oh, you shouldn't have." Shino grumbled.

"It took me 3 damn months to bake this cake! All the ingredients are probably long past expired, but I made it for you!" Hidan gasped dejectedly beginning to role the enormous human sized cake back into the closet.

"Wait! At least cut a slice for me!" Suigetsu shouted angrily, waving his arm to Hidan.

"Well… if you insist." The silver haired man sniffed stroking his luscious silky armpit hair. "I'm going to cut the cake now!" He hinted, nudging the cake.

He frowned when the reaction he got was the sound of Shino picking out a bug encased in the snot of Sasuke's nose.

"I said… I'M CUTTING THE CAKE NOW!" Hidan screamed, his eye twitching in annoyance at the unresponsive cake. "Oh for the love of Jashin, what's taking you so long?!"

He lifted the lid of the cake and stuck his face inside it, only to pull back out and fall to the floor as the stench of freshly cooked flesh wafted into the room.

"OH NO! I must have forgotten to take Sakura out before I put the cake in the oven! None of you liked her anyway right?" Hidan laughed nervously awaiting the reaction of his audience.

A cold dead silence crept across the room, broken only by the clatter of naruto jumping through the half open window and landing smack head first into Sasuke's bum.

"How dare you ruin an Uchiha's perfect bum!" Sasuke huffed. "I'm the last of my kind, you know!"

"NOOOOO SAKURA! My only love, I rejected Sasuke for this and NOW YOUR DEAD IN CAKE!" Naruto wailed, devastated.

"I'm still waiting for my slice, you know" Suigetsu grumbled impatiently.

"Oh right, sorry Suigetsu, with all Naruto's childish commotion I completely forgot serving the cake." Hidan sighed, cutting a slice of what was left of Sakura's brain.

"Oh, the best part! I'm such a lucky boy! Hey Sasuke, would you like to share with me?"

"Sure." Sasuke replied, dislodging Naruto's whimpering face from between his arse cheeks. Together they picked at the burnt and steaming remains of the ugly pink haired ninja that no one liked(Except Naruto, who's a nobody in this story).

"Shino, it's your birthday, make a wish and eat a big piece! How about Sakura's eyeball?" Hidan grinned, trying to look friendly but epic failing.

"Oh, no thanks I don't think I stomach any more food, after all I have eaten five rabbits today…" Shino replied quickly, turning green and running to the toilet.

"Oh no! I need to pee though! Oh, wait, um… you might want to clean your carpet, I *hic* don't need the toilet anymore…" Deidara blushed, fiddling with something in his pocket.

"Oh, come on Deidara, lets get you cleaned up!" Hidan frowned at the girly blonde man, leading him into Shino's pristine bathroom.

"*hic* Ah, I can't seem to take off my pants!" Deidara cried, looking confused and staggering into a wall. (Clank).

"You should the booze, Deidara. Here, this the last time *cough cough* I'll be undressing you!" Hidan snickered, proceeding to take off the blondes clothing.

"Ah, you're such a good friend to me, Hidan *hic*" Deidara giggled like a schoolgirl.

"Anyway, get into the shower and we'll give you nice scrub." Hidan gleamed.

"Will you *hic* make some beautiful music with me?" Deidara asked, his dazed expression hanging into a stupid smile as he was shoved into the shower.

"Um… No, Deidara… Ah, look you've made such a mess of yourself!" Hidan scalded.

"Oh, Hidan cover your eyes! *hic* I don't want you to see me like this!" Deidara said, waving the silver haired man away with his arms.

"But… Deidara, I've seen you naked plenty of times on the illegal gay strip channel- " Hidan started, but his hands were forced over his eyes by Deidara.

"It's not the same! *hic* Now, wash me with this sponge I stole back from Shino!" He wavered, shoving the sea slug into Hidan's spare hand.

five minutes later, from the lounge room –

"OH HIDAN! Don't touch me their, ahhh that feels funny!!"

"Oh for the love of Jashin, I'm so sorry! Did I poke you in the eye?!"

"They sound like they're… having fun…" Sasuke remarked, eyeing the bathroom suspiciously.

"Hey Shino, since it's your birthday, would you like me to take you to strip club?" Shikamaru droned, draping himself onto Shino's couch lazily.

"Depends on a couple of factors… who's paying, and who's stripping." Shino winked sexily at Shikamaru.

And thus, they all went to the strip club.

Authors comments.

Merro: I BLAME RENEA SHE IS AT FAULT FOR THIS MONOSTROSITY!!

Renja: I blame the caffeine, hehehehehahaha….

Merro: NUUU my style has been cramped… and adjusted… and turned into CRACK

Renja: See more!

Merro: … Bruce Willis… ;_;


	2. The Strip Club

2. The Strip Club

By Merro and Renja

"Hey, I… uh, have to go backstage for a minute, Shino, wait right here." Shikamaru sighed, looking bored.

"Why?" Asked Shino.

"Just because… I want too." Shikamaru replied.

"Can I come?"

"NUUUUUUUU!!" Shikamaru screamed, and ran off, leaving Shino looking hurt and rejected.

"What the hell is he on?" Grumbled Hidan.

"Don't know! *hic*" Grinned Deidara, drawing all eyes to his naked figure. "Oops! I forgot my clothes, Hidan! Hehe! *hic*"

A pink blush crept over Hidan's face as he passed his potato sack to Deidara to help him cover his shame.

"What would I do without you? *hic*" Deidara yawned, snuggling up to Hidan, who's pink blush suddenly seemed a few shades deeper.

"Oh look! That guy on stage looks a bit like… Shikamaru?!" Suigetsu shouted in shock, jabbing a finger towards the bright flashing lights in front of them.

From the curtains emerged Shikamaru wearing nothing but a pair of hot pink leather underpants connected to matching boots with suspenders and bra with boob tassels.

"I'd just like to say Happy Birthday to Shino… this one's for you, baby!" Shikamaru said in his usual bored tone of voice as he began to dance. He swung around widly, apparently moving to music only he could hear inside his head, his crazy not making sense to any of the watching people. He finished his dance in a spin so epic even he couldn't make it properly and ended up flat on his arse.

"Oh Shikamaru, you did this for… me?" Shino blushed, his hands raised to his own cheeks.

"Well, not really, but anything for you on your birthday." Shikamaru replied casually.

"Shikamaru, I want you." Shino muttered.

"Whaddaya mean, I'm standing right here!"

"No, Shikamaru, I WANT you…" Shino said again, slightly louder.

"What do you want me to do?" Shikamaru asked, looking confused.

"This!" Shino sighed, pulling down his collar and locking his lips with Shikamaru.

Shikamaru's arms flailed wildly while Shino burrowed his fingers into the other boys hair, pulling out the rubber band and letting it flow over his shoulders.

"Oh Shikamaru, I've loved you since I first looked through your bathroom window and saw you in the shower…" Shino gasped, pulling away from the kiss.

"…"

"Will you be my manwife?" Shino asked passionately.

"…Shino, we're underage… besides, I don't think guys can get married in this part of the country…" Shikamaru blushed, wiping Shino's spit from his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Will you settle for boyfriend?" Shino pushed, looking distressed.

"… fine. Stop using those puppy eyes on me! Don't think I'll be this easy to win over when it's not your birthday, bug boy…" Shikamaru sniffed, flicking his boob tassels in an anti-clockwise pattern.

Meanwhile, Deidara and Hidan were slouched against the strip club bar, Deidara still sporting his mouldy potato sack skirt.

"So, Hidan *hic* I hear you like… stuff." Deidara hiccupped, still drunk.

Hidan eyed Deidara, wondering what the blonde was getting at, his blush returning as his eyes swept Deidara's shirtless chest. Nice.

"Uh, sure I like stuff, but what kind of stuff are you referring too though?"

"Oh, you know… *hic* like all stuff." Deidara giggled.

Hidan edged his seat a little closer to his blonde friends so that they were just close enough to brush shoulders.

"You have put yourself in a tough position, haven't you… you're drunk, I'm sober, and you won't understand a word I'm talking about anyway." Hidan smirked, realizing the advantage he was at. Maybe he could ask a few questions Deidara would only answer when he was so drunk he wouldn't know what he was giving away.

"Of course I do! *hic* We were talking about stuff!" Deidara scalded the silver haired man.

"Deidara, are you… gay?" Hidan asked, lowering his voice and blushing as he realized just how curious he was to hear the answer to this one.

"Me? Gay? Haha*hic*ahaha! Um, yeah." Deidara giggled, lurching forward dangerously as a side effect of the booze.

Hope flared up like a box of dry ice inside Hidan's chest. Maybe he had a chance… what was he thinking?! Deidara couldn't like him back…

"Okay, if you could go out with anyone out of our friends, who would it be?" Hidan asked, wording his question carefully.

"Hmm?" Deidara pondered, looking moderately surprised by Hidan's latest question. "Oh… well, I like all of you... But going out with one of you would be… *hic*"

Ah. Hidan cursed himself for thinking so positively. Of course Deidara would never want to go out with him.

"I think I like you more than a friend Hidan, so you wouldn't count… But out of my friends- "

"What?!" Hidan interrupted, pulling a caterpillar from his ear. He must have heard Deidara wrong. "Who did you say you liked more than a friend?"

"You, silly! *hic*" Deidara laughed, and rested his head on the bar.

Hidan felt his temperature rising to above boiling, his skin matching the color of Shikamaru's underpants.

"Oh dear Jashin…" He gasped, trying to lower his temperature by grasping his cool beer in his hand. He heard a light snore from beside him, and with a jump, noticed Deidara was peacefully sleeping against the bar. The silver haired man thought he'd better take Deidara home, and stood to gather the others, still flustered and jittery.

Authors comments

Renja: ahhhAHHHHHHH, I LOST THE CLAY BALL!

Merro: … ohhhkay… ,;;

Renja: heheheahahhehehahahehahaha, ow I just cracked my ankle

Merro: I don't know what to say know eyahh D8

Renja: *still dying laughing*


End file.
